Wishful Thinking...

Most minutes of my day are consumed with thoughts of what we will be doing as of July this year. Where will we be living? I have no idea what to do. It all started somewhere around 2004 when we decided we wanted to move to Florida. This was pre-kiddos. Then every year after something came up. First, I got pregnant with Madi and was due in July so there was no way we could move that month. As a teacher I can only move in the month of July because we finish the school year here in NY at the end of June and they start the school year in Florida in August.

The next year my mom go really sick and the following I was due with Nathan in June....again a no go. It has been one move after another to different apartments since. Trying to save money, we have moved in and out of the in laws house.

This year we were so close to actually doing something. We started looking in Kissimmee, Fl for houses which was where we were sure we wanted to live. After visiting many houses, we figured that we really did not like the area for full term living. So, hubby's family talked us into looking in Oviedo, Fl. We fell in love with the area and we actually put a contract on a brand new townhouse that was not even built yet. At that point the bank had preapproved us for 10% down. When we submitted the contract to the bank they then informed us that they did not realize that we would not be moving right away so this would be considered a second home...and we now hod to put 20% down. There was no way we could do that so we had to pull the contract ... :(

At this point we had already given up our lease to our apartment because we thought we would have the house and we would move back into the inlaws for a few months until we moved . Well..now here we are...

Of course, now after all this time to think  hubby and I both get cold feet. We have no idea what is right for us. No idea if we can find jobs down there. If we do find jobs, can we really live off their salaries? I would be taking a gigantic pay cut and would have to pay into health insurance (which I do not in NY) This really sucks!!!!!! Why does this have to be so difficult? People up and relocate all the time. I wonder how they do it.

I started my application for Semonile County School district. Now, in order to complete the application I have to approach my Principal about a recommendation. Ahhh that should be fun.

I wish I were more knowledable about different places. We love Florida because that is all we know besides NY. We have family there and are way too scared to move somewhere with no family or support.

Humor me....I wish some life fairy would show up and tell us exactly what do to.

Uninteresting...

I tried to sit here and think of something interesting and cool to say, but that is not happening.  Being with 9 year olds all day, I think I lost the ability to verbalize anything. So here goes my random thoughts for the day...

I read an article in the Orlando Sentinal yesterday about the increase in Homeschooling  in the state of Florida. I've often thought that I would never consider homeschooling my kids as an option. The more I thought about it the more appealing it became. I always have this guilty feeling for leaving my kids and going to work. I know I am lucky in the fact that my mom watches Nathan and only family watched Madi too. It's just not the same as being with them myself. I feel I most likely missed some of their "firsts"  and that is devastating to me. So if hubby's salary and mine happen to switch places I will seriously consider homeschooling.

Are you captured by fear of failure? I am!  We seriously have no idea what we are going to do about a house in July. No idea if we are going to buy and no idea  where. That is the biggest problem. In this economy, we are so afraid to give up our jobs. We are both in very secure positions right now.  I have enough years in that I am up there on the seniority ladder and we have really good health insurance. So do I stay here because I have a secure, good paying job or do we say f*** it and try to be more happy. It is such a battle.

Do you ever feel like you are on the outside of your life looking in? It is such an insane  feeling.  I don't know how to get past this. You know, I think I am really just tired cause I am tearing up for American Idol contestants. Maybe when I get good sleep again...          

I just love this picture of Madison. This was at my Aunt's house during Christmas break. It really just captures the true Madi.

New at this...

Well, here goes my first attempt at blogging. I figured it would be good for me since I don't do much else anyway. Work then home is the way most of my days go. Of course I get to spend that home time with my two amazing kids. The problem is that I am so uncreative most of the time that they tend to entertain themselves. Now, I can recall before having kids, I swore I would be great ...art projects, cooking, games, activities, different classes to expose the kids, but so far that has not happened.

So for all you moms out there that feel like every other blog you read was created by a "Super Mom" --- this one is for you. Join me in all my trials and tribulations....indecisive and uncreative moments. Watch me try to start couponing (only to spend too much even with the coupons)

And best of all you get to join me on my journey to learn how to drive now that I am 30 years old....