Facing My Reality

I’ve dealt with anxiety and depression most of my life. Many of my days go by in a haze. As I read back on old posts, I realize I’m still seeking the same thing... happiness. In January, I’ll be entering my 4th decade of life. I’ve been reflecting and trying to come up with things I can do to work on my mental health. My biggest encouragement to work on myself is that I am starting to see similar emotions and behaviors in my daughter. I really don’t want her growing up with such issues. I want to be a better model for her.

I’ve come to realize my life is full of oxymorons.

• I usually feel alone even through I’m surrounded by others. 
• I never feel good enough even though I have achieved goals in my life so far. 
• I feel unintelligent even though I have a Master's Degree. 
• I feel so overwhelmed and empty at the same time.  
• I have such a hard time holding conversations with adults and having things to talk about even though I spend my days talking to kids. 
• I want friends but yet I push people away with my negativity. 

I live my life in quiet fear and worry. It holds me back from doing things as I over analyze everything. Fear of the unknown sucks! I want to be loved instead of always giving the love. I want to be taken care of instead of always taking care of others. I want to feel needed and desired. 😢 So since I can’t change anyone else, I have to figure out how to change myself. 

I found some daily journal questions on Pinterest to “help” people with anxiety and depression. So, here it goes... 

If money and time weren’t an issue, what would be your dream job? 

I would own a small bookstore just like in You’ve Got Mail. ❤️